When Fear Chokes Peace

The C-word. Cancer.  It is what I thought. And, why wouldn't I? With three close loved ones having recently been diagnosed or treated for various cancers, why wouldn't my thoughts go there immediately when we found the lump?

One evening, our oldest showed the Drummer a lump while I was attending a women's Bible study.

"Hey, Honey, can you take a look at this?" He asked me when I returned home.

"Take a look at what?" I inquired, my eyes searched his face for answers. The Drummer wore his poker face. I detected nothing, but the fact that he asked me to look at something unnerved me.  And I know...he wants a second opinion. He's not sure of his own assessment. He doesn't want to sway my answer with his conclusions.

"He has a lump. Tell me what you think," he flatly stated.

I asked our oldest where it was and ran my hand lightly over it. "Does it hurt?" I asked.

He shook his head side to side, "Well, only when you press on it."

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled. My fingers had acted out my fear.
A lump? Dear Lord, he's not yet a teenager!
"I don't know," I tried to gather my thoughts. They were racing away down a path of darkness, fear, and worry. "I think it should be checked." I know I'll feel better if it is checked. "What do you think?" I held my breath. He's more level headed, thinking through the facts, not chasing rabbit trails like the one I'm already traveling. "Well, I can't be sure.  It may be nothing, but we can call the doctor to be sure."

That night, as we laid down to rest, my thoughts raced down the path of worry. What if it was something? I thought about what the future held or didn't hold, depending on the perspective. Memories flooded my mind...

His curled head bobbing as he raced around the dining room table at a year old.

Shaving those curls off when he reached two for a 'boy's haircut.'
 
His first 'sermon' preached from a small podium while I cleaned out some Sunday school rooms.  At four years old, he had discovered for the first time four books of the Bible held his name, and he spoke a full ten minute commentary on them in his high pitched boy voice.


"Honey, what is wrong?" The Drummer's voice broke in through the darkness to halt my thoughts.

"I'm worried," I sniffled my reply.

"It could be nothing. Let's just wait and see. We'll call in the morning." His arms protectively tighten around me.  And, peace eluded me.  Worry had choked it out.  A grip of worry had squeezed, causing peace to wither, until his voice began to pray. 

He prayed for peace, and the grip of worry began to slacken little by little...as peace returned, stifling the worry.  We still didn't know what lay ahead, but we knew God was in control, and He would bring us through the days to come.
~ Dorie

...continuing my gratitude listing....

756.  peace that stifles worry

757.  God in control

758.  sweet memories

759.  late night prayers with my husband

760.  lumps that turn out to be fine

761.  teaching my oldest art techniques, just time for the two of us

762.  hearing Christmas carols in October as our daughters practice for choir

763.  going to the park one evening with our youngest daughter to photograph foliage and deer

764.  no foliage or deer photographs turning out but instead being gifted with a beautiful sky picture

765.  trying a chicken recipe from a sweet blogging friend and my family loving it

766.  half time hugs from our youngest during Saturday morning football games

767.  our youngest, while putting on his football jersey, saying 'I'm number 13 today, yippee!  Hey, I'm always number 13.'  It is his only jersey!

768.  possible fix to our front yard mud pit...maybe some green in a few weeks...

769.  children enthusiastically wanting to enter an art competition

770.  creativity expressed through their art work


...and so it continues...

This post is the fifth in a series of posts pondering the fruit of the Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
and self control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23